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The Flutes...
10) You can hear us.
9) We Carry REAL instruments.
8) Tubas don't sound like a bluebird trying to get some.
7) Our horns are lower pitch than a dog whistle.
6) We don't toot...
5) We have a sweet-ass mascot that could tear the crap out of your stupid...Wait. What do you guys have?
4) We piss standin' up.(MOST of us, anyway!)
3) We can do pushups.
2) We're a bunch of bad-ass mamma jamma's who could beat the livin' crap out of you in a football game (which you would never play)
1) The directors hate us... so?
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The Drumline...
10) Many LB members are in winter drumline. We do both. We're better.
09) We're not obsessed with "MOMO," even if it is "tight."
08) Low Brass knows how to play with an ensemble... WITHOUT drowning them out.
07) We know how to read sheet music.
06) We can march in step for parades.
05) Low Brass members can carry their own instruments on/off the field.
04) You have a tradition of....armbands?
03) We don't play with 'sticks.'
02) We know the definition of dynamics.
01) We know how to take a joke.
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The Saxes...
11.) We know how to march in step, and play while doing it.
10.) The low brass doesn't need to showcase their ability to make screeches only dogs can hear.
09.) If an alto plays loud enough, they will become disoriented. If LB plays loud enough, then an alto will become disoriented.
08.) We know how to count loud...and in time.
07.) Daler Mehndi could beat Mr. T in a fight anytime.
06.) We know how to slide.
05.) Saxes whine about how heavy their 1 and 3lb instruments are and how they NEED neckstraps. LB members watched in fascination as Mike Dean('03) marched a bari with no neckstrap (it broke) at 2000 Lafayette Finals.
04.) Hot Carl is only a dirty word in the Low Brass, not a person.
03.) We know how to TP.
02.) Jew-bonics?
01.) a-WHAT? a-NO!
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The Clarinets...
10) (Fairy) nets... 'nuf said.
9) Trombones have the lungs of a whale; clarinets have those of a hummingbird.
8) Clarinets are used in Middle Eastern countries to lure snakes out of baskets; Low Brass guys know how to put their snakes in "baskets" (anywhere in the world).
7) There's umph behind a tuba, not behind a clarinet.
6) WOODwinds... seriously.
5) We've got a sweet- ass mascot that could...wait you don't have a mascot!
4) Your instrument sounds like a duck meeting up with a Remington 12-gauge buckshot.
3) Your instrument is long and round, and one time at band camp...
2) When was your sleepover? Oh yeah...
1) No website...too bad!
The Trumpets...
COMING SOON!
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The Guard...
10) A tuba makes an "oom-pah" sound ... a guard member can say "do it for the cows."
9) What the hell do you expect to shoot with your fake rifles? Those ducks that fall out of the air when you point and scream "BANG"???
8) Counting in time isn't as hard as you make it sound.
7) You will NEVER see Jacob or Chris in a spaghetti strapped tank top. (Thank God...)
6) We don't sit around gossiping about who called who a #$%@...
5) We don't have to trick people to have a successful sleepover.
4) The only thing you guys can "twirl" halfway decent is your hair.
3) You couldn't catch a cold, let alone a saber.
2) Whoopidie FRIGGIN Dooooooooooo!!! You can twirl a flag, I guess you're God's gift to marching band. When was there ever a Nobel Prize for flag twirling?
1) What the hell are you Guarding anyway?!?!
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Someone give me an idea to put here!
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! |
